11.14.15 – Unmotherhood

The decision to become two people instead of one is monumental.  Sometimes it’s the right time and sometimes it’s not.

This is one of the times that it’s not.

The pro-creator of this little lump lives in the middle of the desert 1,700 miles away from here, and I am one million miles away in my own head.   On the verge of World War Three, the deification of Kim Davis and President Trump, this is not American soup for future family.

Over the last year I’ve spent months researching and writing about women’s reproductive rights, contemplating the burden and responsibility of motherhood, the relationship between our bodies, our religion, and our government.  Now, I’ve unexpectedly become the theoretical woman I’ve thought so much about.

Pregnant, unprepared and uninsured.  I am a version of myself I’ve never met.

Lucky to have a choice? Fortunate? Relieved?  Abortion. That ugly word that hisses like poison from the gums of the righteous.  A practice employed for thousands of years yet still bears the yoke of shame. Abortion.  A word still so stigmatized, it’s only whispered in public.

Abortion.

This is my experience.  I have roughly a week to tell it.  Right now it’s real.  Things are happening. I’m going to talk about them. For myself, for other’s on the frontier of unmotherhood, to fill a gaping silence surrounding the experience of a woman pre-termination.

Updates daily. Comments permitted. Let it out.

13 thoughts on “11.14.15 – Unmotherhood

  1. I can’t express the right words to tell you how important I think it is that you are telling this story, your story, for all to read. I was 15 when I had to tell my uber conservative parents that I was pregnant and had already made the decision and saved up the money to have an abortion. To my surprise, they didn’t disown me, but they also made sure to remind me of it from time to time for the remaining three years I spent living under their roof. I made an incredibly grown-up decision for myself at a young age and I have never regretted it for a single second. Sometimes the timing for a pregnancy is right and welcome and sometimes it isn’t. As a 15-year-old-child, it was definitely not right for me. And even now, if this happened to me at 33, I can solidly say the timing still would not be right for me. And I don’t think it ever will be in this lifetime. So, I just want to say thank you for putting yourself out there. I wish I could have read these words at 15 and maybe I would have felt a little less terrified. I am happy they will be out here in Internet land, in perpetuity, for women of all ages, races, income levels, beliefs, etc to read whenever they need to read them. Be well. xx

  2. This is amazing, truly a brave & prowerful thing your doing. I have a close friend who had an abortion & I stand by her everyday. She has really struggled since then & Im gonna show her this & hopefully she wont feel so alone because society makes this such a terrible thing & it should never be, Thank you for you open & honest experence.

  3. You are fantastic. The ridiculous solutions anti-choice advocates have to avoid pregnancy all focus on the choices of the woman; they don’t tell every man to not have sex unless they want to conceive a child. The desire to make the U.S. a theocracy threatens woman’s rights, which affect men as well. It is impossible to find information about the physical process of an abortion, the pain and the duration it takes to abort the embryo/fetus. I admire the courage and bluntness your entries contain, even though posting about an abortion shouldn’t be a courageous act.

  4. Thank you very much for do this.
    I had an abortion seven years ago, and after that I was searching information but I only found hidden catholic websites.

    I’m thinking of writting about this in spanish language.

  5. It is quite amazing that a pro-choice activist, a presumable expert in contraception, ended up having to personally go through the very struggle of an activists activism.

    Quite an amazing “accident” …

    And what a perfectly written and thought out account of the process. This “accident” has managed to give you and your cause quite a lot of publicity.

    … and the accolades, my satan, the accolades …

  6. Just saw this blog in an online version of a portuguese newspaper – http://p3.publico.pt/actualidade/sociedade/19186/unmotherhood-diario-de-uma-jovem-que-decidiu-abortar – and I never did an abortion but I think you’re totaly free to do it and it’s brave to say it out loud. Just wanted to give you some support because society is cruel and people think they now better what the others have to do with their lives than themselves. So, I don’t care if you don’t like babies, if you do like but don’t wanna be a mom, at least not right now or if you think that’s not the family that you dreamed of and wanna start over another time. Wanna do an abortion? Do it! You and every women because sometimes it happens and it takes two (not to talk about when the condom breakes), but society only sees the girl.

  7. What kind(s) of contraception did you have in place when you first decided to participate in an act where even the most uninformed people on this earth would know that a pregnancy is a likely outcome?

    I think it’s funny, you’re comment, “The decision to become two people instead of one[…]” You decided to take the “risk” of pregnancy when you let a male ejaculate inside of you. Also, that human being that you aborted was not “one” with you, it had an entirely unique genome that was completely unique from yours. You made two people become one when you, without concern for the individual human gestating within you, let that unique genome to be killed.

    I believe in abortion rights practically because I know that unwanted children are nearly universally a burden to society. However, when a man and a woman fuck and a zygote develops, pretending that the life growing in you is somehow only yours, let alone shared by the man who came in you (that life shared half his genetic makeup), let alone its own developing person, is selfish to an extent that says to me that your primary concern was that you’d rather just live your life and do what you want rather than take responsibility for your own actions.

    TST preaches equality for humanity? What is a human if it is not it’s own genetic makeup interacting with the environment? Creating a new genetic makeup and then destroying that developing human is the furthest thing from “humanitarian” that I can imagine.

    So fuck off with your liberal message of hope and peace. Love it or leave it. Kill the fucking embryo and revel in its death because you are the subjugator of other potential subjugators, or just publicly announce that you are not mature and responsible enough to take care of a helpless newborn.

    1. The circumstances surrounding my pregnancy, and my sex life are not details that I’ve shared in this blog. Many people assume that I was irresponsible, which I was not, but none of that information changes the abortion choice or experience. While a zygote may have its own genetic makeup, it cannot survive outside of the woman’s body. It does not “interact with the environment” of its own free will, it’s essentially a bodily organ with the potential to become a child pending there are no complications with the pregnancy. Lastly, the choice to have a child or not to is not reliant on whether a woman, or a couple, is “mature and responsible,” many of us don’t want children, or would like to wait. It’s called family planning.

  8. I left that comment and noticed that it is currently “awaiting moderation.” You need moderators? To shield your sensitivities from potentially “offensive” opinions?

    Here’s an opinion for you and your moderators. Eat a fucking cock or take one in the ass. At least if you put it in your mouth or asshole, you won’t have to worry about going through that “awful” abortion process.

    1. Comments are moderated due to spam, and some individuals submitting personal information such as phone numbers. I appreciate your input and for shedding light on the kinds of violent rhetoric surrounding sexual relationships between men and women.

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