11.19.15 – Nightwife

This is the second night staring at the grey shadows on the wall. No rest for the wicked I suppose.   It’s a cruel joke because my body is begging for sleep and I’m now imprisoned in an endless cycle of exhaustion. Tried listening to records, tried reading dry philosophy, tried standing outside in the cold ‘til I shook, tried out the opposite end of the bed, even got up to 666 sheep and still no zzz’s.

They say its hormones. What a shit word, hormones – the perceived terrorist of mankind.

It’s time to resort to the medicine cabinet. I guess, why not? A girl’s gotta sleep, especially when she’s growing something inside of her, and even more especially if that thing’s not going to be growing for much longer.

Is it too insensitive to ask for a drink for two? Am I allowed to make jokes?

6 thoughts on “11.19.15 – Nightwife

  1. My daughter was pregnant almost three years ago and decided to have an abortion. The horrible treatment from her ex-boyfriends’ mother and family was simply astounding. The week or so we had to wait until the procedure was never-ending. I think we all aged years in that time. And I think we all lost sleep too.

    But at times – we joked and made inappropriate references. I”m pretty sure if anyone else had over heard us, they would have quickly crossed themselves and thrown salt over the shoulder. 😉

    Laugh – to keep from crying.

    1. I had an abortion, I couldn’t tell my mom at the time, I told her one year later. I think is lovely that your daughter could count on you on that umm painfull times.

  2. I think you are amazingly strong to post this. You are logical, concise, and well thought. The fact you write down your inner thoughts with what is going on and post this in a world where the idea of an abortion is so damning that people rather die then have the procedure shows a great deal of inner strength. This is something that really needs to be spoken about and people need to read it.

    You are only a year older then me, and for me the idea of motherhood and being pregnant scares the hell out of me. It’s not something I ever wanted. The stigma of abortions is so strong that I haven’t had sex in years because of the fear that I may get pregnant and even though I’d have an abortion the fear of being alone in those times was something I’m not sure I could handle.

    Your blog offers women who are going through the abortion the chance to not feel alone. People have abortions there is nothing wrong with having one; I hope that people read your blog and a sense of community becomes a result. We are all here for each other, through thick and thin.

  3. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. I can’t describe the relief after having an abortion. Best thing I ever did.

    You have spoken for many of us.

  4. I made a lot of jokes too while waiting for my late term surgical abortion.

    I was unlucky in that, in the wait, the fundus shifted, so I suddenly (literally, over the course of a couple of hours) developed a bump.

    People were asking me when I was due and how far along I was. I would reply that I was just under 6 months, and due in a week or so.

    The looks on their faces when they realised what I had planned were *priceless*.

  5. Absolutely allowed to make jokes! I’m going through this, too, and I know I’m going to make that joke in my head this evening when I have my glass of wine! Thank you so much for all of this. I was feeling so alone until I came across your blog.

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