11.27.15 – I brunched

Today I awoke with pancakes on my mind. Still bleeding, still aching, I brunched. Even innocent pancakes were too much after my internal marathon so I returned to bed and didn’t leave. I am exhausted and sore. My uterus or something inside spasms unpredictably from time to time.

Do you know that there are people who believe women use abortion flippantly as a retroactive form of birth control? You know, the whores of America who make a pit stop at the clinic for a quick abortion between shopping and manicures? What an impractical, absurd idea. Nobody does that. Nobody. Setting aside all of the potential psychological and emotional distress that accompanies an unwanted pregnancy, it’s physically incredibly difficult. Not only must a woman endure the side-effects of pregnancy for at least a month or more, the abortion process is expensive, painful, exhausting, and lasts for weeks following the actual procedure. I will be bleeding for the next month. A lot. I can expect continued cramping and hormone fluctuations over the next several weeks as my body copes with these monumental changes within me. The alternatives? Become a mother? Demand that women unwillingly commit to a lifetime of hardship if they are incapable of supporting a child on their own, knowing that financial assistance for low-income families is on the chopping block each year? Adoption? Forcing women to serve as a vessel for nine months without the financial resources to support themselves in the final months of pregnancy and during recovery? A body forever changed? None of these options are easy. Compared to the alternatives, abortion is the most sensible solution for most.

I know that everyone’s experience is different. Choosing abortion was not a difficult choice for me. I’ve never felt sad, or depressed, or unsure. I haven’t shed a single tear. My perspective does not detract from the physical and emotional hardship of the abortion itself.

An unwanted pregnancy places a woman between a rock and a hard place. There is no good solution. The clinic called this morning to check in on me. I thought that was nice.

7 thoughts on “11.27.15 – I brunched

  1. Wish I had stumbled across something like this a few years ago. Always knew I never wanted kids, and had requested sterilization since I was in my very early 20s. Of course I was denied because “you will change your mind when you get older”.
    I chose chemical as well…I took the vicodin and 30 minutes later the misoprostol…then I vomited the pain meds, the next 24 hours were so much fun.
    Never regretted my decision, but have found support difficult-I don’t feel like I ‘lost’ anything, I took ownership of my body.
    The only thing I feel now is resentment towards my gynecologist, had she granted my request of sterilization those many years ago, I would have never had to go through that.

  2. I am grateful to you. I often feel that all the aspects of pregnancy in this country are thoroughly discussed, other than how a pregnancy affects a woman in her very psyche. My personal belief is that every single pregnancy, whether it is planned or not, terminated or not, changes a person inside. That experience becomes a part of the history that makes the now post-positive test woman. The experience needs to be revered and supported, because it is powerful. Today, the arguments of morality vs. rights keep women who have an abortion hidden and shamed through this experience. Women who surrender children to adoption are shamed from many circles, so their experience is hidden. This is just as true for women who deliver and raise children: young and single mothers are shamed for being irresponsible, older mothers are shamed for waiting too long and leaving their children responsible for the mother’s elder care, and mothers in the middle are just expected to easily have children with no thought to the loss of her self-identity. Our society gives no respect to the scope of this experience. By you opening this window into your experience, maybe you will break enough stigma to return a bit of respect. Even if you cannot help the ignorance against all women who are facing pregnancy, you are providing an individual and undeniable voice to the women of the abortion debate, often discussed as statistics and stereotypes.

  3. Thank you for mentioning “a body forever changed” as something worthy of consideration. Many people seem to think this a shallow and selfish reason, but it’s not! Pregnancy and birth are very hard on women’s bodies. Why are we as women taught that any consideration to our own well-being is selfish?

  4. Yeah, that abortion as birth control comment always pisses me off. I mean, have they really thought that argument through?

  5. This has been such an interesting read but one thing surely stands out – if both are the same price – opt for the surgical abortion. I had one in 1975 – it shocks me that if it were just a few years earlier, I would have been up shit creek. In those days you went to a clinic for your pregnancy test, you received a phone call – with the yes or no and if it came back positive, scheduled your abortion during this phone call. It has been a long time but I remember everyone being so nice and comforting at the Columbus Ohio clinic. I had never had a pelvic exam before so the female doctor explained what she was doing and a nurse or aid was holding my hand. I don’t remember pain – maybe discomfort but remember it as a most supportive and safe environment. I might have only been four or five weeks along – but I never felt illness or had any bleeding worse than a period. Maybe because I was young, I never looked back – the only guilt I might have had was over the huge sense of relief. The frightening thing that this blog highlights are obstacles now put in place. Like we have stepped by 50 years.

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